COVID and community restrictions on gatherings, the stress of balancing kids, school, and work, the monotony of more of the same, has admittedly felt like a heavy weight. When life circumstances are challenging as it is right now it’s easy to fall into dissatisfaction; to wrestle with the belief that life can get better. It is easy to become demoralized and wonder if it is all worth it.
I have needed to get out of my own way but have not consistently felt like doing it. I’ve been feeling a bit stuck and like I’ve been going through the motions. How about you?
Thankfully something changed in the past few days. Fall’s arrival along with cooler weather is reenergizing.
This morning, with my birthday coming up, I started thinking through what I want this upcoming year to look like, feel like, be like. Who do I want to see? What do I want to do? Where do I want to go? Finally unstuck, NOW seemed like a great time to refocus my attention.
I ventured into the back yard for a brief nature walk – a practice that works for me when I’m in action to realign body and soul. Whether around the block or a simple walk in the yard, this mindfulness practice allows me to be present and for my thoughts to spontaneously roam.
As I focused my attention to scavenge the grass and leaves for items that might get caught in the mower I stopped abruptly. Nestled deep nearly hidden by tall grass what looked like a brown furry football barely moved. An instant later the football bounced from its hiding place and jack-rabbited toward the fence, then froze two feet from freedom. The football turned bunny sat motionless, eyes turned eastward, ears alert. It stayed in that position for minutes. Golden sunlight glistened off his coat and dew-covered foliage. Dried leaves fluttered in the trees. Chimes floated on the breeze. Beautiful. I stood incased in sound, color and light. A beauty I often easily miss. The bunny didn’t move. As if suspended in time I drank in my surroundings through every sense.
“Gosh,” I found myself whispering, “I love my life. I AM in love with my life.”
This brief moment allowed me to remember an important lesson I learned twenty years ago:
If I want to have a wonderful life, I first have to fall in love with my own life.
This train of thought reminded me of how I learned this lesson.
***
I had been wading through the wreckage of my choices and saw that what I was creating was not good. Guilt, shame and tears were the gift I’d unknowingly purchased in the hopes of bettering my life. I naively thought by choosing divorce, life would be easier; that by doing the right thing for me everyone’s life would be better.
My kids were having a hard time which I did not want to admit. Balancing single motherhood and a career was hugely challenging. Discontent with my single status generated dismal dates that felt like a waste of time and was no panacea to loneliness.
One weekend when my kids were at their dad’s and I had time to think about what to do next I solemnly vowed to myself I would make a change. I decided I was going to stop trying so hard to be the right person for someone and embrace my role as a single mom and career person. I wasn’t sure how to do it. I didn’t know how to combat the loneliness. I realized I had been trying to be all things to all people. I was stuck. I didn’t know how to move forward.
That Saturday evening, I found myself on a long-distance call with my father who lived outside of Cleveland, Ohio. Back then internet was just getting going and hadn’t become part of everyday life. Cell phones were the size of shoeboxes and for the ‘elite few’. Long-distance phone calls were a luxury. It was a genuine surprise to receive a call from my Dad, just to check in to see how I was doing.
We talked about my job, a safe topic. We talked about how challenging being a single mom was, another safe topic. I skirted around my disastrous dating experiences, a very unsafe topic. Dad listened fully as if we were in the same room together. My soul-searching silently surfaced. Unaware of the ‘conclusion’ I had come to, I surprised myself and announced my declaration.
“I’ve decided to give up on trying to find someone to share my life with, Dad,” I said.
“I’ve decided to fall in love with my own life.”
That simple spoken declaration to someone I trusted made what I had been contemplating real. For the first time in a long time I felt optimistic about what was coming next. As we talked, I began to embrace again the possibility that life could be better.
That was twenty years ago.
***
The decision to fall in love with your own life is a decision that can change your life. Falling in love with your own life is the first step in any transformation or change.
It is easy to forget this most important truth. It is easy to hit the wall on ideas or motivation.
It is easy to get stuck.
That’s why we coach.
***
If you want to make real lasting change happen in your life you WILL need support to make those changes stick. When you hit the wall, when you feel like you can’t keep on keeping on, when your ideas or motivation lag, you WILL need support. When you hit the wall and can’t seem to go any further you will be faced with a choice: push through or quit.
If you quit, you will find yourself at some point wanting to try again. If you push through, will powering your way to achievement, eventually you will stumble. At that point you will be faced with the choice again. You WILL need support when the new habits you are trying so hard to adopt just won’t stick.
If you want to overcome the thinking or habits that continue to get in the way of you getting what you want out of life, if you feel like you are ready, let’s chat.
If you want to find new ways to create new habits to successfully meet life’s challenges, let’s chat.
If you aren’t sure you are ready but want to make a change, let’s chat.
Just follow this link to book your discovery session. https://www.dianeweekley.com/booking/
The first step is always the hardest.
The next is easier.
Make your appointment today.
